"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him" 1 Samuel 1:27
You think you know what love is. But there is no greater love than the love for your child.
People told me when I was expecting, that life will be forever changed and that you will never love anything more than you love your child. After the initial "How far along are you?" And, "Get all the sleep you can now" many people would offer their genuine words of wisdom. I also read many books. Some made it seem like there is only one way to care for your baby. After a while, you start to dismiss the advice and wonder what are you getting yourself into?
The truth is you can never be fully prepared for becoming parents and every baby is different. Some are constant criers, some are great sleepers by 2 months, some love their pacifier, others won't take a binky or bottle. Who knows why babies are the way they are?
In lieu of mothering now for over one year and feeling confident in my abilities as a Mom, I thought I would share some of the things that have been useful to me, myself, and Isaac, as well as some of the things that I underestimated. As with all parenting advice, take this with a grain of salt. No one knows your child better than you, not even the baby whisperer herself, no matter what she says in her books.
1. You will do anything for your child. And with every sweet breath they take you will fall more in love with their tiny body and giant spirit. You will become an absolute puddle over milestones like smiles, and rolling over. Your world suddenly does not revolve around you. You become preoccupied with little things like how many wet ones and poos there have been in a day and if the temperature of the bath water is just right for you new little one.
2. As a mom, you become more keenly aware of worldly values creeping in to your home. You will want to preserve what is innocent and pure and keep your child from things that can be diminishing to your soul. You want your child to experience new things that are uplifting to the soul and grow to be an individual with an open mind. You will want to ease him into the world as you ease yourself into the light of a new day.
3. Your Friday nights will become distantly different. Gone are the days of catching a movie or going out for dinner (at least for a while). The highlight of our Friday night's now are bathing baby, snuggling up with a few Bible stories and tucking little Isaac into dreamland for the night. After picking up from the daily dire, you might just have enough time to snuggle on the couch with your husband before going off into your own dreamland. Oh how times have changed. But, you wouldn't change it for the world.
4. You have a new appreciation for your own mother because you can now relate to her as a fellow Mom. You can now understand that just about everything she did, she did for her children. Your own children will never really understand just how much you love them until they have their own children as well.
5. You will do whatever it takes to hear your child's sweet laughter. And, it doesn't matter how silly you look doing it, you will keep on doing it just to hear the best sound in the world, a child's laughter.
6. Your body will become a softer version of itself before pregnancy. Again, it's SO worth it! Wear your new flab with confidence! And, don't worry if it doesn't go away after a year or if it never goes away at all. You grew another human being inside of you which is nothing short of miraculous. Reclaim your confidence by being proud of what you did. Besides, most other new mothers are too busy taking care of their child or worrying about their own figure to be looking at yours.
7. You will need support from your partner, family, friends, other moms. Try to give yourself some alone time each day, even if just half an hour. Try to get out and talk with other moms regularly. And try to breath some fresh air each day. In Isaac's earlier days, I found it quite easy to stay indoors for days in a row. But, cabin fever hits you and you discover that getting out for a little while each day is best.You will also need people caring for your nutritional needs in the early days of mothering. We were so blessed to have family, friends and neighbours drop off food and flowers. Looking back, I don't know what I would have done without them. Yes, in the nesting stages, I baked and froze a lot of casseroles, but I am so grateful for the extra food that came in.
8. There are a host of gadgets and new contraptions for babies and moms, promising to make life easier and simpler for you and your little one. As my own mother likes to say "How ever did we survive?" The gadgets that promise to make life easier for you and your baby will be added to your junk drawer collection. You may even go through your junk drawer a year later and say "What is this thing and why did I think it would be useful?" In the end it becomes clutter, which is actually making life less simple. Keep life much simpler by really discerning what you need and reducing the amount of new baby/mommy inventions you bring into your home. What your baby needs most is feeling loved and secure which does not come in the form of any new baby gadget and does not cost a penny!
9. Here are some of the survival tools we did find useful:
- A Carrier to wear your baby. I have the Bjorn and Moby and I love them both!
- Places to put your baby when you can't wear or carry them - playpen, bumbo, bouncer, cradle,
excersaucer, jolly jumper. Borrowing these things is even better!
- Stroller. I have a middle of the road one - it's a Phil and Ted's Classic. It's a jogger stroller. Not the
most expensive, not the least expensive. But, I like that it allowed me to put my Maxi-Cosi carseat
into it and it came with the attachment for another toddler seat.
- Diapers. Of course these are needed unless you are practicing Elimination Communication - a
hilarious way of saying infant potty training. We use cloth diapers and these are the brands that
work for us: gdiapers, Awesome Blossom, Bummis.
- Invisible Dog Fence. This sounds terrible. I love my dog I just couldn't stand cleaning up after him
after Isaac was born (Remmy sheds a lot and tracks mud in the house). He's our big indoor, outdoor
German Shepherd. I also didn't have the ability to take him for walks as often. He began hanging
out at the end of the laneway as chasing cars can be fun. So, it was time to allow him more freedom
outside without the risk of being hit by a car. He has about 4 acres of land to roam around and gets
walked on nice days when I have time.
- If you breastfeed, a nursing cover and nursing bras. Thyme Maternity has great comfy ones! I'll tell
you more about my nursing experience in a later post.
- Sippy cups that don't break when they inevitably get thrown from the highchair, stroller, car
window ... I can't emphasize enough here that you don't need a fancy sippy cup! Less is more! I like
the Playtex ones or stainless steel ones.
- Books for you and baby. In the early days, you will have time to read while nursing or feeding your
baby. Might as well have a few good reads on hand. I did a lot of reading during this time. Maybe
even too much reading of the "baby advice" type of book. I began worrying if I was doing things
"right."
- Zwitsal - this product was the only one that worked (for Isaac) for cradle cap (dry scalp) which is
very common for babies. My friend gave it to me and later I found it in our local Dutch store.
Coconut oil also has quite the healing properties and is great for relaxing baby after a bath.
- If you plan on making your own baby food, you don't need much. Just a regular ice cube tray,
regular blender/hand blender and zip-lock bags. No fancy gadgets and storage containers here. It
seems like a time consuming job, but really if you're making a meal for yourself just throw an
extra unseasoned portion in and pulverize it after. It doesn't take a lot of extra time and you'd be
surprised how many ice cubes you get out of one chicken breast mixed with beans or sweet potato.
When they are first trying foods, they only eat one or two thawed ice cubes, so it goes a long way.
10. You begin to see all children, young and old, as someone else's baby. Having a child gives you glimpses of what our Heavenly Father sees when He looks as us. There is nothing that my son could ever do, that would make me disown him. Just as there is nothing that can separate us from the love of our Heavenly Father. Even those who do not know Him are loved by Him.
11. Going back to work. It was something I was not looking forward to. As the date approached I was still questioning whether it was the best decision for our family. But, the reality is that I needed to provide for our family too and as hard as it was to be away from Isaac for the first little while, you do adjust. I worried that I would be constantly thinking about him and would not be fully present in my teaching. I'm still navigating the world of being a working mom, but I feel much more comfortable in my roles and I am loving being back to work. And, Isaac is doing so well with the childcare provider. Hooray!
12. You will set new lower standards for cleanliness of yourself and your home. That's okay. Your baby doesn't care about when the last time you showered was. And, time spent nurturing your child is better than time spent dusting and vacuuming.
13. You will see other mothers who look like they have it all together. They look alert, and awake, and clean, their hair looks perfect, they rapidly lost their baby weight, they have a diaper bag packed with every possible thing they might need in case of emergency, and their kids are well behaved every time to boot. Maybe, just maybe, they do have it all together. And perhaps their little one came with an easy temperament. It's also quite likely that they were going bonkers getting out the door in one piece that day and that if they really are striving for perfection, they will never be satisfied as perfection can never be attained. It is best to be thankful for what you have and not desire what those other mothers seemingly have.
14. Time goes by so fast! I really did underestimate how fast my year off would go by. Each time, Isaac masters a new skill, we say "Before long, he'll be asking to borrow the car keys." It's true, time goes by faster for parents. Cherish them while they are small.
15. It is normal to feel a little bit down after the birth of your child and even to question if you love them enough. Post-partum hormones mess with you in many ways. And there is healing to be done physically and emotionally after the birth of a child. Again, make sure you have someone you can talk to and know that the love will come overwhelmingly so once you get to know your child and yourself as a new mom.
There is so much more that I could say. But, for now I'll just keep on loving my baby big and let you figure out the rest for you. If you're a new mom or mom to be, get ready for an amazing new phase of life. Yes, having a new baby is a lot of work, it can be stressful at times. But, it is so worth it. Those little coos and smiles make all the sleepless night worth it.
Cute little Lion with his Lambchops which he loves!
Sitting like a big boy in his little chair - admiring the sound of Velcro on his shoes
A budding chef. His new favourite "toy." He carries it with him everywhere!
Dear: Sweet Isaac,
I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have the chance to raise you. I love you so much I can hardly believe it! Before I know it, you'll be a man out on your own and making your beautiful mark on the world. But, for now I am soaking up the naps you sometimes take on my chest and the sweet smiles and giggles I get out of you just by making some silly sound. You take a bottle pretty regularly now and you always have your hand in my hair while drinking it. Keep it up hon, cause I am loving it!Right now, you're pretty sweet and innocent and I know that you will have to grow up and I won't always be there to hold your hand. I know that our perspectives won't always align, but I'm okay with it, because you are your own person. I hope that we can always share and trust in each other. We all see things differently, but our hearts are oh so similar. As you grow, you'll discover that the world wants to define how you should be and how you should act. You are a child of God, our incredible Heavenly Father, who loves you unconditionally. And, each person you meet, is loved by Him too, so be kind to them and see them through His eyes. If you do you will be making room for some of the most beautiful relationships that will bless your life. Being your Momma is such a privilege. I love you sweetie! Never forget that.
xoxo,
Mommy
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