This mama's heart is heavy today. I hold my son close and breath in that exquisite baby scent. I think, this is a gift from Heaven. My child. This innocence, when does it get lost? I look at what I have around me and wonder how could I want more? My heart breaks knowing that in Ancaster a little girl is missing her daddy and doesn't understand why she can't see him again. I wonder how did something so innocent as posting an add on Kijiji turn into something so hateful? There seems to be those in this world who have no good in them at all. But, we were all Heaven's child once. Our mama's all thought how can this child be born into sin? They all tried to keep you wrapped in love. It's in times of crisis and great need that we turn to God. And maybe ask God, where were you? Why would you let this happen? Many would conclude that God is not there or that He is not all powerful, or that He doesn't really care about people suffering. But, He has a plan and a purpose that is mysterious, not always evident. God will overcome In the meantime We need to not sit idly. We need to get off our couches, our phones, and our to-do's. We need to keep our children wrapped in love. We need to let all things work together for good (Romans 8) Joseph said to his brothers: "You intended it for evil, but I intended it for good." There are times when it's alright to lose faith. Christ promised us hard times. We need to blanket those who are crying by poverty, violence, worldy pressures, oppression, wars, marginalization ... with LOVE We need to let LOVE in We need to Let LOVE WIN
Heavenly Father
...
We bring all our hurts, our doubts,
our guilt to You and lay them at Your altar, eagerly awaiting the day when You
will bring healing.
We trust You to love the Bosma
families well. Strengthen them to press on in You.
You are the
light of our lives.
Please make Your presence known to them in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.
Fill them with the peace that defies worry. May they learn to walk in full
confidence of what You have planned for their lives and rest in that as the only
truth.
I can feel your breath on my
skin, your head nestled in the bend of my elbow, and your cute bum tucked in my right hand. Your legs, all cozy in your
blue and white striped footy PJ's, and they're draped over my lap.
When did you ever get so big? Slow down a bit, pretty please. ~ xxoo Mommy .....
Some of you will think this is crazy and some of you will find this normal. But, I was parted from him for the first time the other day. It felt so strange to be more than 100 feet away from him when he has gone everywhere I have gone in the last 4 months. I felt this tug to get back as
soon as I could. Fearing that he needed me or would have separation anxiety. It's nice to feel needed. Meanwhile, I knew that he was surrounded by love. I whizzed through my errands as
fast as I could. For, I was the one with separation anxiety. And he was once within me, my flesh and blood. And, since entering this crazy broken world, the distance between us has never been more than half a football field away. I recalled reading about a Mbuti Pygmy tribe and their custom for mother and newborn. It is not until the third day after the birth of her child that mother and babe leave their womb shaped leaf hut. During those three days she rocks and sings to her baby as she did while he was still in her womb. She might sit close to the doorway so he can slowly adjust to the bright light of his new world. And, I think on the adjustment it was for me to move him to his own room. And, I wonder how we will handle it when I go back to work, or when he
steps on the school bus for the first time, when he gets his drivers license, and when he goes off to university. I know all of these experiences will be hard, but as he grows, he is going to need to find his own way. He can know, though, that his parents will always be there for him. We will never be far away.
.....
It's a tumultuous world we live in where the weakest don't
have a voice and the hunger for wealth seems to trump all else. And, this new
mama is trying hard not to worry but to trust and to be content in every
circumstance. How now do I live for God when I'm now living for my son
and family? I think on the story of the Isaac of the Bible. Isaac was the promised son to Abraham and Sarah in their old age. His name means laughter. God commanded Abraham to sacrifice Isaac. And, Abraham, trusted so much in the Lord that he was about to give Isaac as a sacrifice knowing that God would really never ask that of
him. And right at the last moment, a
ram was provided to take Isaac's place as the
sacrifice. And I'm sure I couldn't do what Abraham did, especially if I had a hard time leaving
him for 15 minutes. I would tell God "No, sorry God, but I don't have the strength to. I would give anything, everything I own, my air, but not that." And, in doing so, I'd be saying "God, You're not worth it. You are not number one in my life. My family takes priority over you."
.....
I want to make my God the first priority in my life. But, now that I'm a mama I can see God falling by the wayside. Instead of saying "It's all about Him" now, I find myself saying "It's all about the other him in my life, my son." I have two lights of my life and I struggle to give priority to the great I Am. And, the God who knows my inmost, knows me by name, knows the number of hairs on my head, has slipped even farther down the priority list. How do I reverse this? How do I pay special attention to following Christ while being a mother? So,I pray for
my son just as much as I do for myself. That I may love You, God, first
and then my family. Because, that way I can only love them more. Because God is love and you cannot experience the fullness of love if you have
not loved God. I pray that all my actions and words no matter how
menial may be a reflection of that love. That in the grunge and grime of every day I may be thankful because my family is clothed and fed
and warm and sheltered and loved. That even the most mundane of tasks can be done with my heart trained on God.
"If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to
those who ask Him!" Matthew 7:11
"Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men." Colossians 3:23
And, that revelation gets me through. I know that loving God first is a
powerful witness to not only my son, but to those around me.
.....
And, when I can't be by my son's side, I pray that You, God, may wrap your
loving arms around him, that he may have the peace of Christ with him and come to know the love of his Heavenly Father. That he may feel grounded in faith that it brings him home even when he
is not home. And, this is my prayer for all children. That they may feel surrounded by love, a love that takes them home, even if they don't have a home.
.....
Yes, Jesus "Wubs" Me and We "Wubs" him too!
Isaac 3 1/2 months - hanging out with Dad at lunch time
Isaac 3 1/2 months - does not usually like tummy time but is getting there!
This book really spoke to my heart. "If I could keep you little I'd keep you close to me, but then I'd miss you growing into who you're meant to be."
Just when I think that I'm getting my groove thang down - I learn something new. Some of the best advice I've received - Babies change so fast, so hold on to them a little longer and forget about your messy house!
It has taken me a while to write this. Partly because I now write in between waking hours and partly because I don't want to skip over anything. This is a record of the day we met Isaac and I want to remember every moment of it.
What a incredible job it must be, to deliver babies for a living. To usher new life into the world and to experience and share in the joy felt by parents when they first get to hold the one they have been waiting for. We really wanted our child to be born at home and we had an amazing mid-wife team. I had known our mid-wife for many years as her daughter and I were great friends growing up. Her daughter, Lori, is still one of my best friends and has her own two children now. And, her mother was there to help her welcome them into the world.
I just always knew that I would want to have a mid-wife deliver my babies. But, I don't think I fully realized how much a blessing they really would be to us. Our mid-wife team, two mid-wives and a nurse birthing attendant, were confident in me delivering at home. They had been involved with my pre-natal care all along and they came to our home for a visit before Isaac was born. I was nervous about having a baby at home. What if something were to go wrong? And, what if I'm not strong enough to do it without pain interventions? But, I think it was nerves about labour in general. I think I would have been just as nervous if I had planned to deliver in a hospital. We learned mid-pregnancy that with a hospital delivery we might not be able to have the mid-wife we had hoped for. As, the hospital that she had privileges at in our small town had just decided to close their obstetrics unit. Sad news for our community for sure. The next closest hospital where she had birthing privileges was over an hour away. So, we prayed and listened discerningly for God's voice letting us know that it was okay. That a home delivery would be in His will for us. We also prayed for the prospect of a birthing centre in our area for those who want a mid-wife but do not want a home birth.
Of
all that I read about labour and childbirth, from a woman who had died
in a London hospital, to a woman who had delivered successfully by
herself under a tree in the middle of the Kalahari Desert, worrying
about hyenas, nothing can prepare you for it. There were moments where I thought: "What am I doing here? Why did we decide to do this at home? Why did I think I was strong enough to do this naturally? God, get me through this, I am not strong enough, I need Your strength and I need it now." And, He gave it to me. He gave me the sense of strength and calm that I needed.
I tend to go back to the moments and places that took on
meanings. Places that were mundane before, like thestair hallway where I paced back and forth in the middle of the night to coax that baby down. I'll now stop there once in a while and call up the memory. The sweet moments I spent holding my child in the tub while we took a herbal bath together. That bath was such a special moment of intimate bonding between mother, father, and infant.
We had been out with friends all afternoon enjoying a car poker rally game and I had not even the slightest inclination that that evening would be the beginning of Isaac's birth story. The afternoon went on with lots of fun and we have memories from that day to reflect on as the beginning of our family, the beginning of our new life. How it has changed! The afternoon adventures came to an end and we joined our friends for dinner at a near-by restaurant. Tim and I were on separate teams for the rally, so we had to pick our vehicle up at our friends house before heading home. Normally we would have stayed at their house for a bit. But, I had been growing a bit uncomfortable. I was one day overdue and I just figured it was from a long day of driving, and walking, and indulging in a somewhat spicy supper. So, we said our good-byes to our friends and laughed at the thought that this might be the last time we say good-bye as two of us. I did not realize then that the slight discomfort I was feeling was early labour.
We got home around 10:30 and settled in for a good night's rest. Or, so we thought. At 11:30 something woke me. It wasn't a pain, or a gush of fluid, or a sudden discomfort. It was just the slightest dream-like jolt causing me to wake. I still didn't know this was early labour. But then again, it was something and that something woke me. I started to question. I decided to get up, get a drink of water and go to the washroom. I decided to wake up Tim just to let him know that something woke me. Perhaps this was a mistake and I should have allowed him to sleep. I let him know that I didn't know if this was just pregnancy discomfort or maybe just maybe this was it. He reassured me that even if this was it, it's not likely that we need to call the mid-wife just yet. We could wait awhile for the feeling to come back again.
Sure enough, the same slight feeling came back again and again for the next few hours. I knew now this was it, but I figured if this is early labour, these things go on and can last for 24 hours or more. I'll call the mid-wife when I grow really uncomfortable or when the contractions come a little more regularly. By 2:30 am they were consistently coming at 8-10 minutes apart. I decided to call her. She confirmed to me that this is the beginning of labour and that she was going to get her van packed up. She encouraged me to rest in between them if I could and to call her again when I grow more uncomfortable. Together, Tim and I made our bed the way we were instructed to do so for a home
birth. We placed a plastic shower curtain to line the mattress beneath
the layers of sheets. I put some Powerade drinks in the fridge to cool for later on and drank some Vitamin Water, figuring I should stay hydrated. We still figured we had lots of time, thinking that our child might be born sometime the next afternoon or evening. I tried hard to rest, in between the contractions, but I felt the need to get up and go to the washroom a lot. And, sitting on an exercise ball or on the can was where I was most comfortable. It was 4:30 am when Tim got on the phone to call her back. At that point, I was having stronger contractions and more often and I didn't think I could talk through them. All he said to her over the phone was: "Things are getting pretty intense here" and she was on her way.
The team arrived together at our home around 5:30 am as I was pacing and trying to keep vertical through some of the powerful contractions. I was praying that with each contraction the baby was descending and coming closer to being born and I was trying hard to breath the breath of Heaven to get me through. The team began to set up our bedroom for home birth. They boiled water, drew me a bath, set up an area for emergency resuscitation, just in case. All together they made our bedroom look a little bit like a hospital room, but it still felt like cozy home to us.
Our mid-wife checked me and I was 5 cm dilated. "Don't be discouraged by a 5" she said. "5 is good, your cervix is really thin, this baby is coming and we're not going anywhere." Discouraged? I found this a relief. I was half expecting her to say "1" or "You're not dilated at all. I'll go home and come back when you're further along" This was me, convincing myself that I was not strong enough to bear through even early labour, let alone the later stages and delivery. And, it turned out I made it through early labour already! She offered me some CalMag in the most motherly way and suggested I get into the tub. "You have nice long legs, you can make it back to the bed in time." Boy, was she right about the CalMag and the tub. It brought everything on much faster than I expected. I laid in the tub on my side and the nurse poured soothing hot water over my hip as I bore through each contraction. I was in the tub for perhaps 3 more contractions at 2-4 minutes apart and began to hiccup. "Hiccups and burps mean 8 to 10!" the mid-wife proclaimed. Man, they know everything, I thought. I decided to get out of the tub and sit on the toilet for a brief moment. And there, I began to grunt through the next contraction. The nurse suggested I move to the bed now, if I'm feeling the urge to push. It was about 6:45 am now and contractions were coming one on top of the other. After being checked and confirmed at 10 cm, I was ready.
Pushing came as a relief, however my contractions now seemed further apart during this final stage of labour. This actually was good, because it allowed me to rest in between them. To the point where I could almost fall asleep. Don't get me wrong! Pushing is difficult, but your body knows when it is time to push and it allows you to use the breathing you had been doing through pursed lips before to be put to good use. Now, all three members of the team and Tim were by my side encouraging me. They were so supportive and encouraging. Tim held my hand which I squeezed so hard I'm surprised it didn't break. And, our mid-wife checked our baby's heart-rate after every contraction. Every time she would announce "Baby is happy."
The pushing stage lasted for over an hour with our little guy descending little by little and sometimes moving back into the birthing canal. Finally with one last push, his whole body came out, head, shoulders, knees and toes. We joke now that he shot out like a torpedo. Right away he was placed on my chest and he was crying, using his lungs for the very first time. As he lay on my chest I could see that we had a boy and that he looked like perfection. I was shocked. A firstborn boy, I had no idea or feeling as to what we were having. But, for some reason it was still a shock. A wonderful shock!
The nurse encouraged me to try nursing him, suggesting I don't sit up right away but rather lay on my side and let him discover for himself what to do. A very clever boy, he latched on right away and this calmed him down. It was an amazing feeling to bond with my babe right away after he was born. Tim and I admired our new little bundle as he nursed and we were offered something to eat by the nurse who had prepared us some toast and fruit. We felt so incredibly blessed, we had forgotten that it was time for breakfast! We made a few tearful phone calls to our parents. The nurse, who goes to church with my mom, joked that she'll be wondering why I'm not there this morning. Sure enough we reached my mom when she was on her way to church. All of our parents were thrilled with the news of their first grand-child.
Because he came out all at once, there was some minor tears to repair. So, after nursing him and a little bit to eat, I was stitched up and a bath was drawn for us to enjoy. A lovely healing herbal bath of Uva-ursi, comfrey, shepherd's purse, sea salts, and garlic is used for rapid healing for myself and cord healing for our babe. He loved the bath so much and again it was an amazing experience of bonding, the three of us together. He had his eyes wide open. Experiencing all these new sensations must have been a shock for him as well. I remained in the tub a little longer to get cleaned up while our boy was weighed, measured and finally dressed for the very first time. As I returned to our bedroom, dressed in cozy PJs I was greeted by my son dressed in his fresh new cozy PJs and he was sound asleep. Our bed was made and all the mess cleaned up. The mid-wife team even gets your laundry going for you.
It was time for us to get some rest. We dimmed the lights and admired our son together. My blood pressure was checked over one last time to be sure it was safe to leave us on our own. The mid-wives gave us some info on mother and babe care for the first 72 hours. Basically, make sure he nurses every two hours and that you both stay hydrated. They reassured us that they were proud of us, that it was a great home birth, and that we would be great parents. We knew they would be returning every day for the next week and every other day the week after that for post partum care. But, for the most part, it was time for us new parents to do this on our own. I felt great joy rise up in my heart, but at the same time I was totally exhausted. After all, not only was it was the hardest work I'd ever done in my life, it was also a whole night of lost sleep. But, as nervous as I was about giving birth naturally, I was relieved that my body stepped up to the plate to do the most important thing of all when it really mattered. It grew, nurtured, accommodated, and birthed another human being, which is nothing short of miraculous.
We thanked the ladies from the bottom of our hearts and said our good-byes. We joked that we should do this again sometime - but not in the too near future! The realization that we didn't get to keep them with us forever was sinking in. I think they have the most incredible job. They get to witness the miracle of child-birth on a regular basis. We looked at our son and admired the most adorable baby we have ever seen. Isaac Elder is a sweetheart. Truly a miracle.
I've been mother to baby Isaac now for 10 weeks. He's healthy and happy. And, motherhood is beautiful. Not easy. I'm not sure I'll never get the hang of sleeping at 40 minute intervals but I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts. I'm enamored with him and it brings me great joy when he smiles and coos and when I know he is experiencing something for the very first time. The dust and the dishes can wait now, I'm loving on a little one who won't stay little for long.
The book On The Night You Were Born was given to us and I love the whole story, but here is just a short excerpt from it that sums up how life is changed. How a baby fills a place in your heart that you didn't know was empty.
On the Night You Were Born
“On the night you were born, The moon smiled with such wonder That the stars peeked in to see you
And the night wind whispered, “Life will never be the same.”
Because there had never been anyone like you…ever in the world."
by Nancy Tillman
This beautiful benediction song, Something Beautiful, by Alexi Murdoch also gives a glimpse to the love of a Heavenly Father and is a perfect prayer for a child - that he would come to know that he is a child of God and the apple of His eye.
Today is our baby's due date. While we've been coaxing with kisses and trying to be patient, it's hard to wait for a little one you've been loving on so much in the last 9 months. And, you're so looking forward to meeting this child and giving it a lifetime of love. I wish I could say I have mother's intuition about whether it's a boy or a girl. But, I have no idea. Will it be pretty crocheted flowers and bows? Or, a fresh blue outfit with giraffes and elephants? Either way, we are completely giddy about meeting this little one.
I made some little hats and flowers.
A little while ago, we had a friend of ours take some photos to help us remember all the sweet moments during pregnancy. She did such a great job recording a special time for us! I'm going to miss feeling the movements, the stretching in tight quarters, and the little hiccups. I've loved all the food cravings this child has too. The bottomless pit excuse works really well when you're pregnant. I don't suppose eating Nutella sandwiches and Ben and Jerry's ice-cream all the time is encouraging this child to come out!
During our photo session we even managed to fit on a little child's teeter-totter (or "seder-soder" as Grandmaman-Claire would say). So, we definitely need to do a photo retake of this with our little one in a year from now or so. I have to say, I'm so glad to know that this child is going to have a great dad growing up. We're pretty blessed to have him in our lives.
I've been in nesting mode trying to put the finishing touches on the
nursery before the little one arrives. I was inspired to make some
Pinterest projects, make a quilt, and bake some casseroles. Though the
baking I've been doing doesn't seem to make it to the freezer.
Quilt in the works!
With being off work, I've had some time to prepare and wrap my head around being a parent. I don't think you can ever be fully prepared though. But, while I have some time, I thought I'd write this letter to my child.
40 Week Letter to my child:
Dear Daughter or Son;
Thank you for giving me glimpses of what it is like for our Heavenly Father to love me as His daughter. I'm filled with gratitude for you growing inside of me. Feeling you move around is the sweetest feeling and knowing that I am in partnership with your dad is beyond incredible. I give thanks to God for all the blessings I have. It is a relationship with Him and His Son that has blessed me most in this life and has allowed me to love you forever into eternity.
I have made many mistakes and no doubt will make more before I die. But I have learned to take responsibility for my mistakes, repent, and accept forgiveness. You cannot re-do history, and repentance seems such a small offering to the God who gives us all we have. But, it is all He asks. That's what's so amazing about grace my love! T'is grace.
You can't control all the events that happen to you. But, you can
decide how you react to them. Make every effort to change the things you do not
like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been
thinking. You might just turn a lemon into lemonade. Don't complain. Tell the truth, even if it hurts.
Dear daughter: As you grow into a young woman, please remember to dress modestly and keep your body a temple. 1 Peter 3:3-4
Dear son: Please don't be conformed to the pressures of this world. Pants on the ground will not make you look cool, only unkempt. "So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." ~ Matthew 7:12
You are loved so much that is doesn't matter if you follow the latest trends. Trends are only lies of this world anyways. There is so much you can do if you put your mind to it. We can't wait to meet you and am praying for your safe delivery.
"The LORD your God is in your midst, a
mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he
will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." ~ Zephaniah 3:17
Every hand tells a story
about our life and character.
Hands provide inward glimpses
and reveal who we really are.
Our hands cannot be hidden
they display the effects of time.
They show hard work and dedication
Through every wrinkle and line.
There are hands that hold
and hands that share,
Hands that break bread
and hands that fold in prayer.
God left his seal upon our hands
so we may come to know our purpose.
Our fingerprints are God's signet
as unique as our gifts and talents.
The artist creates beauty
with the work of their hands.
The farmer's hands tell a story
of working the land.
Though fingers are calloused
and rough they appear.
Those scars and soiled nails
are evidence of what's held dear.
Etched in the lifelines
the dirt and grime of every day.
With time scars heal
and grime is washed away.
My own hands are not as soft
as they once were.
The skin on the sides of my index fingers
never comes quite clean.
No matter how short I keep my nails
dirt still finds a way underneath.
While they are less outwardly beautiful
I am joyful.
They declare more effectively than I ever could
that they are useful.
"I spread out my hands to You; my soul longs for You like a thirsty land." ~ Psalm 143:6
"Behold, I have inscribed you on the
palms of My hands;
Your walls are in My view continuously." ~Isaiah
49:16
Father, use my hands to bless others and glorify You. Strengthen my hands to be used for Your good work.
My husbands hands are calloused and rough. But that doesn't mean that his spirit is. He has a gentle and tender presence. And, he never lets a morning go by without making sure to give me a kiss - 'good morning' before he leaves for work. I recently read this little tidbit in a Faith Alive Christian resource, A Woman and Her World, from 1987.
"There is more to that morning peck than meets the eye. According to a recent survey by an insurance company, a husband who kisses his wife each morning before going off to work in the field, factory, or office, or wherever gains several advantages over the non-kisser. The study found that the husband who gives the morning kiss will probably live five years longer than the one who doesn`t. And what`s more, a kissing husband will have fewer auto accidents, will lose up to 50 percent less time from work as a result of illness, and will earn 20 to 30 percent more than the non-kissing husband."
How do I know that you are the best thing God ever created?
- The first moment - the very first nanosecond - of your life determined whether you would be a boy or a girl
- In the first hours of your life, your eye colour, hair colour, and other features were decided
- When your heart began beating, you were so small you would have fit on my fingernail with room to spare!
- Before I even knew you were growing inside of me, you could hear me
- Seven months before you are ready to be born, your fingers and toes look much like they will at birth, though you were only two inches long
- You started to grow hair in your fourth month of life and you sucked your fingers
- We even got to see your eyes moving around in the ultrasound
- Right now, you are busy kicking and stretching, sleeping and waking
- You must really love Ben and Jerry's ice cream (and I don't mind one bit)
- You are already using four out of your five senses: sight, sound, taste, and touch
- In the final two months before you arrive, your weight will triple, your bones will become stronger, you will practice breathing and you will detect light
You know what else? While all of that was going on? God was watching you. He was forming you day by day. The Bible says you are knit together in your mother's womb (Psalm 139). He was loving you even before I knew I was pregnant. He knows how tall you will be, what colour your eyes will be, whether you will have your dad's nose or my cheekbones. Literally from day one of your existence, you were precious in His sight because you were already the best thing He ever created.
Excited mom and dad
Our "babymoon" in Roatan
You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. ~ Psalm 139:16
Happy Mother's Day to all of the Moms, - Soon to be Moms, Hoping for Moms, Single Moms, and Unplanned Moms to be. Today we celebrate you! May you have a blessed day.
May she who gave you birth be happy. ~ Proverbs 23:25
Happy Mother's Day Mom! xox Love You!
I give thanks to my God upon every remembrance of you. ~Philippians 1:3
This beautiful poem was written by and shared by a friend from Coffee Break (Women's Bible Study).
Riches from Heaven
God looked into His treasure chest
And found the perfect gems;
He gently touched them one by one
And marked them all with 'M's'.
Dear mothers, you're the special gifts
of beauty from His hand;
Your love keeps shining everywhere
Just as the Father planned.
Your countless deeds of kindness
Bring us smiles as they unfold;
You weave each one so magically
And spin them into gold.
The prayers you say on bended knee
Shed light along life's way;
Your guidance gives us confidence
And courage day by day.
A mother's hands are instruments
Of comfort, joy and peace;
God fashioned them with tenderness
And warmth in every crease.
Dear mothers, as you grow in faith
May children all around;
Go hand in hand with Jesus Christ
To stand on solid ground.
